My Source of Attitude

This is about the story of how I learned the most valuable lesson in life throughout this 22 years on living.

People who know me personally knows that am somehow different. Am soft compared to the others. From young I was being picked by the seniors as the target to picked on as I was one of the timid and skinny boy when I was in junior school. Some more with soft attitude. What more to say, it is a great target of being picked on. Due to that am rather low in self esteem. Never dared to take up any bigger challenges in life. I always think that the world is against me. I remembered once, one of my classmate handed me a penknife telling me to end my pathetic miserable life. That is how I grew up in. Giving up life seems to be the easiest way out at that moment. But I was too timid to do it.

From young. I was known to be very talkative. Keeps talking non-stop. Especially with a few girls sitting around me in class. We did a lot of silly things. I remembered we drew comics of the PowerPuff Girls. That the best memories that I have in my Junior  School. Other than that I can say that I have no any sweet memories in my Junior school. All I can remember is all the bullying, teasing and all the nicknames that has been given. 

As I graduated from my Junior School. I was rather excited. Thinking that I can finally leave this dreadful place. But I was wrong, history repeated itself. Of course no more drawing comics. I told myself one day I will change who I am. Instead of being bullied but the other way round. I started by finding ways to get close to all the teachers in High School. Of course it worked out though. Am well know in that High School even until today. If you mentioned my name in that particular school, I dare to say mostly the teachers recognize me. At that moment I thought things will change. But it did not.

I'm always a soft hearted person. Bearing grudges is not my nature. Being hot tempered for a long period too was not me. I tend to lend helping hands to those who even bullied me in high school even knowing I may get bullied by them again anytime. I dared to say, I was very frustrated because I cannot achieve what I wanted to be. So I sorted ways out to escape including committing suicide .

Heaven always has a way to comfort his children. He put mother nature as my neighbor to lend a helping hand. Often with all the frustration I ran into her arms to let it all out. I can sit by the lake for hours sobbing  and telling away all my grieves and frustrations into the air .In the same time of comforting me, she too taught me some valuable lessons that not everyone can have.

Sometime sitting alone by the lake you can see animals coming out from the bushes to refresh themselves by the lake. Deer, wild boars, monkeys and etc. Some you even have the chance to touch it. At the beginning it was hard to reach out your hands to touch something that not much people had done before except in the zoo. You need guts. As time goes by, I learned how to be brave and pursing gentleness in the process. Too rough they may retreat or take you as a treat and started attacking. In the same time, I too learned how to be patient. Sitting by the lake, waiting for hours to get a glimpse of some monitor lizard coming out from the wasteland to scavenge for left over around the area. I learned patience while in the process of waiting. The foremost lesson that I learned from mother nature is never judge from the toads. They are really ugly creatures. When I was a kid. I did many hurting things to them, I remembered after a fight with my mom I was so angry till the extend of making a toad swallowing pebbles. Now I really felt sorry for it. The pebbles was in its tummy for days before it died. It still hide under it’s favorite spot until the event of its death. That time, I thought they are just pest loitering around the housing at night making all sorts of noisy commotion at night after the rain has gone by. I regard them as pests with no benefits. Until one day, I learned that they are actually the one responsible for clearing blood sucking bastards around the areas providing me a good night sleep with less mosquitoes bite. I really regretted for doing so at that point of time. But it doesn’t change the fact of they are ugly but without them, I will be sucked dry by those vampire at night. Because of that, they are beautiful in their own way.

After all these, it makes my life more interesting. I am not afraid anymore. They are just your neighbor which accidentally came into the wrong place. Handle them with care and respect. 

In the same time, if not for mother nature’s valuable lesson, I don’t think I can possibly be a nurse. Patient praise my gentleness and kindness  *not to show off though*. But deep down  know. I was not a person like that if all these never came to pass. All thanks to my mother who taught me what gentleness is all about and to overcome my fear of things am not familiar with. 

Today my old friend visited me in my hostel. Causing a lot of commotion. Imagining all the boys are yelling just it came into the house. How foolish and shameful  is that?! They are not going to cause any harm. Thanks them you won’t have sleepless night because of those blood sucking bastards flying around in your room! Stop screaming like a bitch when you saw a cockroach in your room!

“ In case you are reading this. Stop bitching about it. You have a big mouth but a small dick. Stop yelling when some animals came into the house. It is not a tiger! It’s just a toad! “